When a fresh breeze moves in...

It is officially fall.

Somewhere between last Friday at 2pm and Sunday at 6 the leaves decided to morph from their summer green to magnificent oranges, yellows, magentas, and reds. When I realized this (again, Sunday at 6pm), I just couldn't help but be overwhelmed with excitement. Fall is finally here! It is the season that gives the Midwest serious bragging rights (because honestly, who would want to be anywhere else?) as it encompasses everything great about this place- farms, barns, corn, hayrack rides, changing leaves, barn dances, bonfires, and award-winning Haunted Houses (you'd better believe it). Every year I so look forward to this season that will forever and always be my absolute favorite.

It is the season that somehow makes everyone want to be a country boy or girl- even the most unbelieving of the farming lifestyle. Somehow all girls find the need to get in touch with the flannel side of their wardrobe, while boys can be seen wearing grungier clothing as well. It is the season that is "All-American," with classic rituals like attending high school and college football games, apple picking, Halloween, and, of course, THANKSGIVING!

Yes. Thanksgiving. The mother of all American holidays. The one where thousands of calories are consumed in a matter of hours and without the slightest hesitation. Days upon days are spent celebrating this event, with classic "Fall-Type" rituals leading up to the actual day where the term "over indulgence" takes on a whole new meaning. Where I am from, it is also not uncommon to have multiple Thanksgivings, which include celebrating with friends, family, closer family, and significant others. I think I even had a 3-Thanksgiving year once. I didn't eat for a week afterwards.

But, let me not get too ahead of myself. Another significant holiday, though lesser in scale, includes one of costumes and candy- HALLOWEEN. This is a holiday that requires a month's worth of celebrating. With horror movie marathons running constantly on Cable T.V., pumpkin patches dwindling due to eager children, and Haunted Houses open the whole month of October, one cannot help but get in the spooky mood. People from all ages enjoy the ritual of figuring out their costume for the year- with college students being the craziest (why a "sexy" strawberry shortcake?).

So, as you can see, Fall is super, super great. What is a girl to do during the greatest 6-week period of the whole year?? The answer is simple- drink apple cider. And take pictures- lots and lots of pictures (shown below for your own enjoyment).

My brain is officially apple sauce.

Do you ever have times when you aren’t feeling particularly creative, pensive or profound? I don’t know about you, but I often find that I marvel and dwell on the simplest of things, analyzing concepts and reaching levels of understanding that give me an amazing sense of being. The absence of this is just plain frustrating for me and I feel that this perfectly describes the week I have had. I feel sort of blah in a way. Not depressed-no that is an entirely different feeling. I have just been experiencing a great absence of the ability to think and feel. Can anyone relate? Am I making any sense at all?

This could be caused by a variety of things, number one being that because I am nearly broke I am trying to save money on food by not eating a lot, thus voluntarily plummeting my blood sugar. I have also not had the privilege of sleeping normal amounts as I have been frantically trying to mentally and physically prepare for this upcoming school year. Or maybe, just maybe I am long overdue in reading a good book or watching a movie that makes me think until my head hurts. Do you know what I mean?

[I personally can think of several movies off the top of my head that fit this category- though they are different for everyone. Examples for me include V for Vendetta (I swear every time I watch that movie I get something new and amazingly profound out of it), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Reader (Saddest movie on this planet), and the Prince of Egypt (Yes, the animated feature).]

I think I am also feeling this way because I have lately doubted my ability to think. I know that sounds weird, but if you were taking some of the classes that I am, you would absolutely understand. One such course is art history, and is really a class on the analytical and mental processes of understanding contemporary art in history. Yes, it is the same art that baffles so many on this earth, the kind that includes weird abstract sculptures and strings hanging from ceilings (“My, what a masterpiece!”). Frankly, I just don’t get it. I essentially spend those class times doodling in my notebook and wondering what made me so dumb that I just cannot understand the meaning of heteroglossia when it comes to communicating art (yes, that is a real word and fun fact: even spell check on Microsoft Word doesn’t recognize it as one). I often find myself looking around the room at my peers -who are nodding and smiling as if they understand it with every fiber of their being- and longing for that same understanding. I don’t know, maybe I am just not wired that way.

When all is said and done, however, perhaps the perfect antidote to all of this fretting about non-thinking is a nice weekend of sleep, Oreos and brainless chick-flicks. Yes, that sounds about right to me. So with that, I think I should just bid you a Happy Friday and leave all of this thinking to the likes of Aristotle and Pablo Picasso.

Just call me neurotic.

My best friend Steph recently gave me a book entitled "I'm Neurotic and So Are You" for my 21st birthday. I think the book was meant to be a joke- or at the very least a documentation of the most extreme neurotic cases of the world. However, after reading almost halfway through the book upon receiving it, I began to realize that I didn't just identify with most of the examples in there- I had also experienced specific symptoms. Does this mean I'm neurotic? Does this mean I'm crazy? Probably. For your enjoyment, I've decided to share with you a couple of examples that can prove that I myself am neurotic. I would also encourage you to look inside yourself and do the same, because I guarantee that as the book suggests, we are all neurotic on one level or another.

One example I found in the book was a girl who couldn't stand the touch and feel of cotton balls. Upon reading this, I immediately thought, "Finally! For once someone shares my agony!" You can imagine my excitement upon finding out that I am not a crazy weirdo after all- or at the very least, I am not alone in it. You see, ever since I can remember, I have not been able to touch cotton balls- just like this girl. It's not that I'm allergic to them- I don't break out in a horrific rash or anything. The feel of cotton balls instead does something weird to my brain, making me cringe and grit my teeth while covering me in goose bumps. The best way I can describe it is that it's equivalent to nails scratching on a chalk board. You can only imagine how tough a manicure is for me- at home or otherwise. If anyone thinks of a wonderful substitute for cotton balls, let me know!

I hate ticking clocks. Me and Captain Hook have that in common. Perhaps it's the loud annoying sound of their steady rhythm that is so unsettling- like nails drilling into my inner ear. Or maybe it's just the fact that once I notice a ticking clock in the room it's almost impossible to ignore the sound- it is all I can pay attention to from then on. I can remember several instances throughout my life when a loud ticking clock severely cramped my style. When I was little I always had to remove the clock my mom put up in our bathroom so that I could fall asleep, stashing it in the closet until morning. I also remember doing the same at my cousins' house at Christmas one year (don't worry, I put it back up before anyone noticed in the morning). Even now, the ticking clock on my mom's desk top is keeping me unbearably distracted and annoyed.

I have number maps in my head. What?? Yes, number maps. My good friend Lindsey from school and I always have conversations about sharing this trait, spending hours reveling in our own neurotic-ness. Basically the best way to describe it is that when I think of any number, day of the week, month of the year, etc., I don't picture just the number in my mind. I can see a pattern of many numbers, counting up and counting down, with the specific number I had in mind in the foreground of the pattern. Make sense? I didn't think so. My number maps usually make swirls or circular patterns, and usually rotate when I am "searching" for the number, month, date in question. Can anybody relate?

I can't stand the sound of squeaking Styrofoam or sharpie markers on paper. It basically produces the same effect as my unfortunate cotton ball symptoms, only on a lesser scale. In the future, if I am within earshot of you unpacking a fragile object from a Styrofoam casing or of you scribbling on a piece of paper with a sharpie, do not be surprised if you look over and I am plugging my ears. And for that matter, please don't torture me by chasing me around with it like my family and friends always do.

I suppose that about does it for now. I'm sure that I did not cover all of the neurotic tendencies I possess in this blog, but rest assured that they are the big ones. Can you relate to any of them? If so, know that you are not alone, my friend. If not, congratulations. You are a beautiful exception and are probably saner than the rest of us. :)

So with that, I wish to bid you a wonderful, neurosis-filled evening.

Power in Words.

Someone very close to me once said that thoughts are better said out loud- out for all to see and hear- for that is when they can really be understood by the listener and the speaker. Throughout my life, this concept has always held an insurmountable level of significance and truth, as I am a woman of words. I'm sure most women of the world can also greatly relate to this. Isn't that why we girls consider it a great pastime (and hobby) to go to a coffee shop and talk for hours? Isn't that why we always resort to words to show when we are upset or angry? I know that this is true for me.

I also know that I find the most clarity of my thoughts and what is truly going on in my heart if I can just muster up the energy to get outside of my head. I am the first person to admit that my brain is a vast abyss of ramblings, and sometimes to make sense of those ramblings, I need to step back and look at my thoughts from an outside perspective. For me, this means saying my prayers out loud instead of just thinking them, taking notes when I come up with ideas, and just plain writing my thoughts down instead of just keeping them locked inside my head. Hence this new blog.

After finishing my blog about my semester in Spain, I quickly realized just how much I would miss my writing. While in Spain, it was this blog that really allowed me to make sense of everything that was going on in my life and allowed me to really take a new angle on observing the different world around me. Even now, it gives me peace knowing that I can always look back and read about all of my adventures and discoveries that I made there. It is something that I will always have.

All in all I really have no expectations for this new blog. Really I just hope that I will be able to utilize it as an outlet for all of my thoughts an observations as I navigate life. It may get serious at times or it may seem like complete nonsense, but it will be genuine and real. Until next time, know that there is true power in your thoughts and dreams, but when shared in words, that power has the ability to move and grow.